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The Mammoth Book of New Comic Quotes

Author: Geoff Tibballs
Publisher: Hachette UK
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Format Type: PDF, ePub
Size: 19,80 MB
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With over 3,500 entries, arranged by topic, fully indexed and up-to-date for the twenty-first century, here is a bumper new collection of witticisms and wisecracks. If you're looking for a quick quip to get the crowd on your side, struggling to put the finishing touches to a wedding speech or just want to cheer yourself and your mates up, this marvellous mammoth book provides all you'll ever need. Entries range from insults, put-downs, gags and one-liners to homespun philosophy, witty proverbs, movie quotes and graffiti. Among the contributors featured are Ricky Gervais, Sir Terry Pratchett, Tina Fey, Milton Jones, Russell Brand, Bill Bryson, Armando Iannucci, Stephen Fry, Jeremy Clarkson, Larry David, Grayson Perry, Germaine Greer, Will Ferrell and many more. Never be stuck for a good line again! 'Al Gore met with Donald Trump to discuss climate change. To try to explain it in terms Trump would understand, Gore said, "The planet is getting hotter than your daughter Ivanka."' Conan O'Brien 'The only time it's cool to yell, "I have diarrhoea!" is when you're playing Scrabble.' Zach Galifianakis


The Mammoth Book of Comic Quotes

Author: Geoff Tibballs
Publisher: Hachette UK
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Format Type: PDF, ePub, Mobi
Size: 14,71 MB
Download: 442
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With over 10,000 entries, arranged by topic and fully indexed, here is a giant new collection of witticisms and wisecracks for the 21st century. If you're looking for a bon mot for an after-dinner talk, struggling to put the finishing touches to a wedding speech or just want to cheer yourself and your mates up, this fabulous fat book provides all you'll ever need. Entries range from insults, put-downs, gags and one-liners to homespun philosophy, witty proverbs, movie quotes and graffiti. Among the contributors featured are Woody Allen, Dave Barry, P. J. O'Rourke, Winston Churchill, Will Rogers, Jay Leno, P. G. Wodehouse, Bill Cosby, W. C. Fields, Oscar Wilde, Spike Milligan, Groucho Marx, George Bernard Shaw and many more. Never be stuck for a good line again! 'Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.' P. J. O'Rourke 'I'm sure sex wouldn't be as rewarding as winning the World Cup. It's not that sex isn't good, but the World Cup is every four years and sex is not.' Ronaldo


The Mammoth Book of Great British Humour

Author: Michael Powell
Publisher: Hachette UK
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Format Type: PDF
Size: 30,80 MB
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A doorstopper of a collection of the very best of both contemporary and classic British wit and humour. From Monty Python's 'Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more . . .' to Dan Antopolski's 'Hedgehogs. Why can't they just share the hedge?'. From George Bernard Shaw to Michael McIntyre, from Eric Morecombe to Omid Djalili, and from Oscar Wilde to Jimmy Carr, a side-splitting look at Britain, the British and life in general. Including these gems from Britain's finest comedians: I was delighted to learn that my friend's schadenfreude was not as satisfying as mine. Armando Iannucci. I went on a girls' night out recently. The invitation said 'dress to kill'. I went as Rose West. Zoe Lyons For a while I was the perfect mother. Then the Pethidine wore off. Jenny Eclair. My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that. Jack Dee. Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings because it's hardly ever for them? Harry Hill. Arse-gravy of the very worst kind. Stephen Fry on The Da Vinci Code. You have to come up with this shit every year. Last week I just wrote "I still love you, see last year's card for full details." Michael McIntyre on Valentines Day. I went to the doctor and he said, 'You've got hypochondria.' I said, 'Not that as well!'Tim Vine. I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge. Spike Milligan. When someone close to you dies, move seats. Peter Kay. My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden. Eric Morecambe. My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen. Jimmy Carr. Eighty-two point six per cent of statistics are made up on the spot. Vic Reeves. A bird in the hand invariably shits on your wrist. Billy Connolly. Getting divorced isn't like a bereavement at all, because if he's died, I'd have had me mortgage paid, and I could've danced on his grave. Sarah Millican. My greatest hero is Nelson Mandela: incarcerated for 25 years, he was released in 1990, he's been out about 18 years now and he hasn't re-offended. Ricky Gervais. If you want to confuse a girl, buy her a pair of chocolate shoes. Milton Jones. Phil Collins is losing his hearing, making him the luckiest man at a Phil Collins Concert. Simon Amstell. We'll continue our investigation into the political beliefs of nudists. We've already noticed a definite swing to the left. Ronnie Barker. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The psychiatrist says, "Well, I can clearly see your nuts. Tommy Cooper


Two Nuns In A Bath

Author: Geoff Tibballs
Publisher: Hachette UK
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Format Type: PDF, Kindle
Size: 20,55 MB
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A brand-new, fantastic, enormous collection of 5,000 jokes, gags and one-liners - indexed and categorised to help with finding the right joke for any occasion or audience, from Bar-Mitzvahs to bar-rooms. Two Nuns in a Bath is the consummate collection, with jokes on every subject under the sun, from lawyers to low-energy light bulbs. Two nuns are sitting in a bath. One says "Where's the soap?"" The other replies "It does rather doesn't it?" A guy asks a lawyer what his fee is. "I charge $50 for three questions," the lawyer says. "That's awfully steep, isn't it?" the guy asks. "Yes," the lawyer replies, "Now what's your final question?"


The Mammoth Book of Best New Manga

Author: Ilya
Publisher: Running PressBook Pub
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Format Type: PDF, ePub, Mobi
Size: 26,81 MB
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A full-length anthology of manga tales by some of the genre's most promising young writers features fifteen unabridged new stories and includes contributions by such names as Andi Watson, Craig Conlan, and Michiru Morikawa. Original.


The Mammoth Book of the Beatles

Author: Sean Egan
Publisher: Constable & Robinson Ltd
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Format Type: PDF, Mobi
Size: 11,55 MB
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Over 30 landmark interviews, accounts, and memoirs of The Beatles and their entourage, recording how they inadvertently became counter-culture_s figureheads and changed society.The pieces include Paul Johnson_s _The Menace of Beatlism_, Maureen Cleave_s _Beatles Bigger than Christ_ feature, the News of the World feature suggesting The Beatles were spent forces _ just before they unleashed Sergeant Pepper on the world _ interviews with their entourage and main loves; plus latter-day contributions from the likes of Paul Gambacinni, Dave Marsh, Greil Marcus.Also included is a chronological tracing of each Beatles album and single, and analysis of all Beatles movie releases and television appearances.


The Mammoth Book of Best New Jokes

Author: Geoff Tibballs
Publisher: Running PressBook Pub
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Format Type: PDF, ePub
Size: 11,39 MB
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Presents a collection of thousands of jokes on almost one hundred topics ranging from airplanes and books to Donald Trump and work.


The Mammoth Book of Weird But True

Author: Geoff Tibballs
Publisher: Running Press Adult
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Format Type: PDF, ePub
Size: 11,85 MB
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A giant humorous collection of funny news stories, whacky phenomena, hilarious blunders and gaffes—over 1000 extraordinary cases from around the world. Who needs urban legends, when these are all true? It's everything readers love about Ripley's Believe it or Not! with an added punch of humor.


The Mammoth Book of the Funniest Cartoons of All Time

Author: Geoff Tibbals
Publisher: Running PressBook Pub
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Format Type: PDF, Kindle
Size: 22,36 MB
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A compendium of 450 top-selected cartoons from around the world includes pieces by such artists as Peter Arno, Posy Simmonds, and Charles Addams and is thematically arranged under such headings as Sport, Sex, and the Long Arm of the Law, in a volume complemented by brief artist biographies. Original.


Just Like Dad Says

Author: Geoff Tibballs
Publisher: Random House
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Format Type: PDF, ePub, Docs
Size: 28,60 MB
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'I won't lie to you, fatherhood isn't easy like motherhood' Homer Simpson Fathers come in many guises - wise or silly, strict or kind. They can make you laugh and they can make you cringe. They can drive you home and they can drive you mad ... In Just Like Dad Says, wise and witty words from the likes of Billy Connolly, Jerry Seinfeld, Spike Milligan and Homer Simpson cover everything from the joy of being a new dad to waving kids off as they - finally - leave home. Old and new, laugh-out-loud funny or wickedly dry, Just Like Dad Says is the best ever collection of quotes by and about Dad. 'My father only hit me once - but he used a Volvo' Bob Monkhouse 'Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective' P.J. O'Rourke